


O hell, to choose love by another’s eyes!

by LouiseLouise



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Buddie First Kiss Week 2020, Christopher is a cutie and he doesn’t mean harm, Coming Out, Eddie’s parents are not the best but at least his mother is trying, First Kiss, His father has a very heteronormative vision of relationships, Implied homophobia, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Sort Of, prompt: with an audience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24568555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseLouise/pseuds/LouiseLouise
Summary: Eddie’s never been brave enough to tell Buck that he loves him, scared of how his friend would react. Now his parents are staying in Los Angeles, hoping they can set him up with some nice lady of their choosing, and Eddie feels trapped.Help will come in the form of a ten year old boy who knows more than he lets on.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 444





	O hell, to choose love by another’s eyes!

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this for the tumblr prompt Send me “Librarian!” + a number and I’ll grab the closest book, flip to that page number, and make us a starter using a random line of text from said page! then it turned into a story that was perfect for Day 6 of Buddie First Kiss Week and its prompt “With an audience”. 
> 
> _"O hell, to choose love by another’s eyes!", on page 24 of Midsummer Night’s Dream, is about having your love life determined by someone else. I did not use the sentence in the fic, but kept its spirit._
> 
> Thank you for the ask Sarah and for the beta [marciaelena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marciaelena). All remaining mistakes are mine, English is not my first language.

“A boy needs a mother, Eddie, you can’t deny him that.”

Eddie’s father moves to grab the coffee pot like he didn’t just drop a bomb in the middle of lunch.

“We’re going to stay in town for a while,” his mother adds, “I’m sure we can arrange for you to meet some lovely women. You need to have a _special friend_.” She lowers her voice like it’s a funny thing to say, like she’s not mentioning Eddie’s sex life at the dinner table, while his son is drawing at the coffee table five feet away from them.

_She means well_ , Eddie thinks. Of course she does, she’s his mother. He wants to believe that. He needs to believe that she’s not trying to consciously rule his life the way she did years ago back in Texas, back when he was trying his best to do right by his son, but the world wouldn’t give him a break. She doesn’t want to take Christopher away from him this time, so she has to have only good intentions, right?

He wants to tell them that it’s pointless though, that his heart is already taken. That even if the man he loves has no clue about his feelings, might never even reciprocate them, Eddie’s heart will never be for rent again.

He wants to tell them about the million ways Evan Buckley makes him fall in love over and over again, day after day, without even trying, without ever noticing.

He opens his mouth to tell them how he’s never loved anyone so much. How they don’t need to worry about finding someone for him, or for Christopher. How they would understand, if they really got to know Buck.

“Okay,” is what he says, because somehow he’s still the obedient kid they raised him to be. Somehow the voice in his head thinks that maybe they deserve to have a say in this. They know better.

Somehow Eddie knows that Evan Buckley might never love him back so he might as well not dwell on it and waste years of his life waiting, in vain, letting his heart hope and hurt, when he could meet those women that his mother trusts could make him happy.

Helena seems to relax, happy that her son is not picking a fight. Happy to know that he still listens to her, after all this time, despite all their disagreements.

“What about Buck?”

Christopher’s words startle them all. He lifts up his head from his drawing, staring at them from the coffee table. None of them thought he was paying attention to their conversation, but Christopher’s always had a way to surprise people, even the ones who knew him best.

“What about him, baby?” Helena asks.

“He’s daddy’s friend, right?”

She smiles and Eddie chooses to ignore the frown on his father’s face. That’s not something they talk about, not in this family. But Chris doesn’t know that, because that’s not how Eddie chose to raise him, making the same narrow minded mistakes his father did. 

“Oh sweetie, that’s not the same kind of friend that we’re talking about. Your dad needs a lady friend.”

Christopher puts his crayons down, leaving the man with a donkey head unfinished. “Miss Flores says that anyone can be a special friend, if they love each other.”

There’s a pinch of pride in Eddie’s heart. He hasn’t always made the right choices when it came to his family, but moments like this tells him he’s on the right path. 

Ramon and Helena turn towards their son, waiting for answers.

“Miss Flores is Christopher’s teacher. They read stories in class, about all kinds of things, and--” Eddie’s stalling to avoid talking about the real question here. “And she’s right, love is love, and anyone can be a special friend.” He stands up, avoiding the looks on their faces, choosing to go sit down beside his kid, trying to find the right words. “But that’s not how Buck loves me, mijo.”

Chris waves his hand to make Eddie lean closer, so he can whisper in his ear. “I want to tell you a secret.”

Eddie frowns. “What kind of secret?”

“About Buck.”

As much as Eddie’s curiosity is piqued, the voice of reason in his head whispers that he shouldn’t ask to know more. Whatever Chris knows about Buck, whatever connection it has with being special friends, that’s for Buck to tell, not Chris, not like this.

“Buddy if it’s a secret I don’t think you should tell me. Maybe we can--” he doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Chris speaks again.

“But how can you know that Buck loves you if I can’t tell you?”

Eddie feels like a fish out of the water, desperate for oxygen, his son’s words echoing in his mind.

Ramon snorts, pulling Eddie out of his thoughts. Helena ignores him and walks towards them, sitting down next to Chris.

“I know you like Buck very much, and he brought you the best skateboard ever,” she says, quoting what Christopher’s been repeating to them every day since they got there, as much in awe as the day he got to try the skateboard for the first time. “But that’s not the same kind of love, and that’s okay. Your daddy needs friends too, just like you have friends at school.”

Christopher doesn’t look convinced, but Eddie doesn't push. He knows that whatever he wants to say, he’s going to say it, and now is too late to stop him from sharing Buck’s secrets.

“I don’t want to kiss my friends on the mouth.”

Helena looks up at her son, as speechless as he is.

“Where did you hear that, Chris?”

“He told Maddie.”

Eddie remembers that day where Buck took care of Chris so Eddie could take an extra shift. He remembers that they went to the zoo, and stopped by Maddie’s place on the way home, for ice cream and a nap.

His heart does a strange dance in his chest, thinking about Buck wanting to kiss him, about Buck’s lips and how Eddie would give anything to feel them on his skin, how there’s no way Christopher heard that right, no way it’s true.

Eddie takes his phone out and starts typing.

Can you come over? Chris wants to see you

Happy emojis appear on his screen as Buck’s answer less than thirty seconds later, making Eddie smile. This situation is a mess but Buck’s love for Chris is undeniable, and that’s a fixed point in their lives that Eddie hopes he’ll never lose, whatever happens today. 

Chris goes back to his drawing, adding a flower crown on the donkey’s head, explaining that it’s not really a donkey but a fairy did that to him.

It feels like an eternity until they hear the knock on the door and the quick turn of keys in the lock, and Buck finally comes in.

Buck walks further in the living room and Christopher is on his feet faster than ever, launching himself at Buck who instinctively crouches down to let the boy hug him.

“I’m sorry I told your secret,” Christopher says without wasting any time and Eddie’s heart breaks. 

This is not how he wanted things to go, Christopher blaming himself for trying to make his dad and Buck happy, and Buck not having any clue as to what was going on. 

Eddie stands up beside them. “Chris, hey, I know you didn’t mean to, okay?” Chris sniffs and Eddie knows he doesn’t believe him.

“Why don’t we go sit down first, and then we can tell Buck what happened?” he suggests, heading towards the couch, where Chris settles against Buck’s side, refusing to let go.

“Okay big guy, what secret are we talking about?” Buck asks, gently running his fingers through the kid’s blond curls in a soothing motion, while Eddie takes his place on the other side of Buck.

“You said you want to kiss dad.”

Buck closes his eyes, his smile instantly gone, and Eddie sees his hand clenching on his knee, all the anxiety channeled inside his fist, so he puts his own hand on top, brushing Buck’s skin with his fingers.

“Hey, Buck. Breathe. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not, sh-- sorry. I’m sorry, I just.” He opens his eyes, a look of dread on his face, taking in the audience around him. Helena is trying not to stare, and Ramon seems captivated by the cutlery still on the table, and Eddie wishes they weren’t there, he wishes he and Buck could have a private moment to sort this out, but at the same time maybe they need to see this, need to see who their son is and have no choice other than to accept it.

“Why are you doing this now?” Buck asks, tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.

Eddie presses a hand on Buck’s cheek, thumb softly brushing where the first tears run. He needs to find the perfect words, like the ones he’s been rehearsing in his head for quite a while now, daydreaming about all the things he would tell Buck if only… if only he were brave enough, bold enough, confident enough. He doesn’t feel those _enough_ yet, but there’s a spark in his heart, giving him the strength he needs to take a chance anyway.

“Because if I don’t, I’ll never find the courage to tell you that I want to kiss you too,” he whispers, still loud enough for everyone to hear.

Buck’s eyes light up again, and his mouth shifts into a smile. “You do?” 

Eddie nods, biting his lower lip, his hand pulling Buck closer, until they’re breathing each other’s air, as their lips hesitate to make that last move. Buck lifts his hand in turn, resting it on Eddie’s arm, leaning in, taking that leap of faith to press his mouth onto Eddie’s lips. 

It’s soft and it’s over too fast but it happened, and there’s no going back.

Not that either of them would want to go back anyway.

Forehead against forehead, they’re sitting in a bubble of happiness, with no intentions of getting out. But Helena clears her throat from where she’s now standing near the front door, her husband already outside, keys in hand as if he couldn’t get away fast enough, and the bubble bursts.

“We’re gonna leave now, honey,” she says. She doesn’t look upset, or disappointed, and Eddie wonders what could possibly be going on in her head.

He stands up and joins her in one stride, accepting the hug she offers as she opens her arms.

“I love him, mom,” he whispers, face buried in the crook of her neck, saying the words out loud for the first time, and they feel good, they feel right.

“I can see that, honey,” she replies, pulling away to take a good look at him. “You tell him that, okay?” She’s smiling and for a second Eddie thinks that everything’s going to be fine, more than fine even. “I’ll talk to your dad,” she continues, and the pit in Eddie’s stomach is back in an instant. “Sweetie, I will talk to him, you don’t worry about that, okay? He’ll come around, I promise.”

Eddie nods, trying to keep the tears at bay. He wants to believe her so badly, that everything can be okay, because he’s never giving up on Buck now, that’s certain, but he doesn’t want to lose his family either.

“Thank you,” he says, letting go of her.

“Goodbye, boys,” she says looking over to the living room, loud enough for Buck and Christopher to hear, shyly waving at them before stepping out of the house.

Eddie closes the door slowly and takes a deep breath before heading to the couch, where Chris is now in Buck’s arms, half seated in his lap, and Buck is silently crying happy tears.

“Am I grounded?” Christopher asks, still worrying, bringing Eddie back to why this day went completely off script.

“Well, we’re going to have to talk about not sharing other people’s secrets, I guess. But just this once, I think it’s okay.” He looks at Buck, “if Buck’s fine with it?”

Buck grabs Eddie’s hand and intertwines their fingers before bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss on his skin. “Yeah buddy, I think we can make an exception this time.”

Later that day, when Chris is tucked in his bed and the house is quiet, they will talk. About that kiss, about the kisses to come, about what they want, wish, hope, for their present and their future.

But right now, they’re just enjoying being together, the three of them, as a family.

_A boy needs people who love him_ , Eddie thinks, feeling like the luckiest man in the world that the man who stole his heart gives all his love back and more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> If you want to reblog this on tumblr, the post is [there](https://theladyandthewolves.tumblr.com/post/620163145046081536/o-hell-to-choose-love-by-anothers-eyes).  
> Like always, every kudos, comment and emoji is welcome ♥


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